Saturday, November 28, 2009

Brighton, the new breaking free


I was never really that keen on Brighton.

I mean, here I was, at 25, about to move abroad for a Masters, poised for success and world domination, and of all places, cruelly discarding the NYCs and Londons of the world, I was ending up with Brighton?

I decided to be positive about this. Brighton, I learnt, wasn’t any old sleepy English town, it was supposed to be the party capital of the UK. Being the sunniest and closest beach to London (50 minutes on the train), it was quite day-tripper central, hell, it was London by the Sea.

Brighton, London by the Sea. Brighton, as a local UK railway website claimed, the new Barcelona. Brighton, where scandals were broken, Brighton where the West End premiered, Brighton, gay capital.

Then there were its sights and sounds. The spectacular Royal Pavillion, a 16th century ‘Indian fantasy’ (combining Indian, Moorish, baroque, gothic and Chinese architecture) monument that featured on all tourist brochures, key chains and fridge magnets. Fridge magnet icon two was the Brighton Pier, quite the fine specimen of the British seaside notable for its fish and chips and ‘must-have’ stick of Brighton rock candy. The Brighton Marina, with its yachts, waterside cafes and shopping centres. The branded-and-boutiqued South Lanes; and right across the road, the gipsy-kitch North Laines. And last but certainly not the least, the colorful, pulsating, retro-music blaring, gay pubs at Kemp Town. On the coolness-o-meter, Brighton was suddenly shining very bright.

In the one year that I’ve lived in Brighton, I’m not sure if I’ve maximized on Brighton’s coolness quotient. My tourist checklist is shockingly incomplete: I never made it to the Marina even once (I just passed it by once on the way to the supermarket; only to discover that it was eminently passbyable) and just about tolerated the Pavillion and the Pier. I always felt the Pavillion is what you got when a cosmetic surgeon got the Taj Mahal wrong. Incidentally, this was the only building Hitler wanted to be saved during the Second World War because he wanted to convert it into the Nazi HQ. Did I say incidentally? Sorry.

The Pier, meanwhile, has more to offer. Not the ‘must-have’ Brighton rock (which you really mustn’t have) and certainly not the Fish and Chips; but the Belgian Waffles (crisp, light, and best accompanied by the cherry and whipped cream topping) and yes, the washroom. The only one in the area. If you ask me, Brighton’s fridge magnet icons look best on the fridge.

I guess I’m being a bit unfair. The thing is that traditional touristy lore about Brighton has reduced it to a plastic, unattractive version of its real self. The parallels with London for instance. London, with its fabled frenzy, feels a lot more than 50 minutes away as soon as you step into the Brighton station. The overwhelming bigness of everything shrinks (I started feeling a bit Gulliverish in my first few weeks), the pace switches to a 70s Vijay Anand dream sequence, and the people -- unlike the zombied faceless masses of the tube -- are smiley, beamy and chatty.

In fact, my best memories of Brighton are not art or architecture, but people-centric. The cab driver at Pool Valley Coach station (the bus station by the Pier, recognizable by the loudest, screech-iest seagulls you’d have seen anywhere), for instance, who took a weepy-eyed me to my university residence. He insisted on carrying my two one-tonne suitcases, waited patiently while I stopped by for a sandwich (being used to the forever-irate, sometimes crook, Delhi autowallah, I kept palpitating about him taking off with my stuff, or charging me extra for the wait), and then looked almost confused when I reminded him that I needed to pay him (think Delhi autowallah in similar situation). “Oh, right, of course,” said he. The autowallah in my head almost screamed in frustration.

The people of Brighton make the touristy stuff, deservingly touristy. The Pier for instance, on a sunny day, with scores of young and old people with smiley dogs bounding alongside, is one of my favourite scenes. I once stopped a young man for a chat about (and to) his tiny, peculiar, rodent-like 10-month-old pup. We were joined by an old man, who seemed equally interested in the dog. “I looked like that when I was 10 months old,” he chirped.

The gay and graffitied enclave of Kemp Town with its rows of tiny, throbbing, sometimes-decrepit clubs, is yet another. It doesn’t matter what day it is, but Queen’s Arms, my favourite karaoke bar, will always have the queer person dancing -- quite literally -- with gay abandon to the Gloria Gaynor classic I Will Survive. He/She would be my poster person for Brighton.

Gay is quite the norm in Brighton. I know a 20-something girl, brought up by a lesbian couple, who’s been through adolescence dating same-sex partners. Just last year, she realised she’s straight and now has a boyfriend. Brighton means a reversal of the standard equations.

Quite naturally, Gay Pride in August is one of the biggest events on the Brighton calendar. The kaleidoscopic parade starts on the sea-front and finishes off at Preston Park, an area where there is much fun, games and all things subversive. There are standing toilets for women (they even sell a nozzle-like apparatus for 20 pence to facilitate the process), gay musicians liberating conventional love songs of their patriarchal overtones, and nothing as we, born of the Section-377 age, would consider ‘normal’.

Before I got to Brighton, I imagined that being the gay capital of the UK could mean: 1) having a huge gay population 2) a big Pride turnout. I didn’t ever imagine that the gay liberation movement in Brighton, would have liberated the city and its inhabitants of other forms of conventionality.

The city celebrates the Naked Bike Ride every June 15th to signal the vulnerability of bikers to motorists. ‘Come naked, or as naked as you dare,’ said the poster. This was going to be fun, I thought. Yet another example of typically western decadence. Sunday dawned bright and sunny, and armed with camera and sniggering friends, I stood waiting for the naked bikers, at the beachfront. Naked, had been taken very literally, I realised as men, women, of all shapes and sizes (the presence of several grandma-grandpa type figures perhaps made it seem less pornographic) rode past like a storm; laughing, hooting, and obviously enjoying the look of shock on all our faces.
I almost started feeling foolish at my own stiff upper err, jaw. Brighton was already taking effect.

I suspect it is this sense of liberation that attracts the tourists - and makes many of them prolong their visits - for life. In a strangely ironical way, Brighton, the perennial tourist hotspot, always feels like home. Come for a day, or a month and get sucked into the city’s festivities - from the Brighton Comedy festival in the autumn, to the art and fringe festivals in the summer; Carnival and Pride in August; food festival in September, White Night in October, and other smaller festivals scattered in various pockets of the city, all through the year.

And just in case your notion of a holiday is about visiting places of historical importance and grandeur -- because admittedly, the Pavillion is not quite the Angkor Vat -- hang on. Virginia Woolf’s farmhouse is just two stations away at Charleston, and just another bus ride away is Rudyard Kipling’s country retreat at Burwash. The South Downs of Sussex intercept Brighton all throughout creating a bunch of exciting hikes and trails and some spectacular spots like Devil’s Dyke and Seven Sisters, which are row of seven cliffs that extend into the white cliffs of Dover.

And while you’re at it, why not walk through the bohemian North Laines, and then float into the very contrasting world of the posh South Lanes. Also check out the Royal Pavillion, which, now that I think about it, is the most apt symbol for Brighton. It defies traditional notions of beauty and aesthetics, and epitomizes inclusiveness. If you’re Brightoned enough, you might actually start to like it a little.

And if you’re fully Brightoned, you’ll love Brighton for what it is, not for the London it could be, or the Barcelona it almost is.







Thursday, August 27, 2009

the facebookification of life

how many times have you had a thought pop up in your head in the form of a status message?

how many times have you had posed in front of the camera in profile-picturesque poses?

how often have you contemplated facebook suicide out of wishing to isolate yourself from the world?
how often do you use facebookesque lingo in regular speech?

how often do you facebook?

how often do you live real life?

where's the difference?



Monday, August 3, 2009

the biggest fights happen because we are not speaking the same language.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

time a upon once...


it's the same pattern, thought Bianca Shenanigans. yet another prick of a boyfriend. yet another relationship about to fail. why is this happening, thought she. i need counsel from a more spiritually-elevated source than myself.

Guru Muddah-Fukka was renowned for this magical powers. he never fails, they say. so Bianca went to him. "all will be well", said he. and that was to be the beginning of.. well the beginning.

meanwhile Bianca kept diligently beavering through all the social networking sites that existed (except the russian one because she did not know how to sign in to that). she found someone very close to home. a friend's friend. Jack Ass-a-Lot. he had -- like Helen of Troy -- a face that could launch a thousand ships. better still, he had a body that sure looked like it could do more.

immediately she set upon the act. her friend Rebecca Ruin-- who was thenceforth to serve as a conduit of her romance - must first must be told about recent developments in her nether regions. "you must help me otherwise i will die a broken, shattered, used woman who's never known what love is and..." "breathe. of course i'll help. you're way better than his current flame" said Rebecca.

so a meeting was arranged. Bianca played out Cleopatra's seduction act in toto. The chair she sat in burnt like a burnished throne (Shakespeare, 1615). over a series of planned meetings, the seduction suceedeth. the two were officially together. madly in love, petals falling on their fore-head, hands holding, they walked into the sunset.


--the end --

not quite. there's more.

and of course there should be. love is so beautiful, pure, everlasting, and duh - orgiastic - why the fuck should it end just as soon the fun begins, thought Jack and Bianca. no. No. we refuse the rigid-straight-jacketed diktat given out by generations of old-sodding-fogey romance novelists, film-makers and other sundry idiots. we shall TELL THE WORLD. from the rooftops. let them know.


I AM IN LOVE, YA FILTHY BASTARDS.

Jack went and told his mother. his father. grandmother. brother.
Bianca did not tell anyone.
Jack went and told his friends.
Bianca told Rebecca. ("err, I know already", said Rebecca).
Jack went and told Rebecca's family.
Bianca went and told Rebecca's family. Not her own.
Jack went and told the neighbourhood pigeons. And started thinking of who else he could tell...


so while Jack spent his days working out the latest schedule of PTME (people they must englighten), Bianca found a useful passtime. every morning she would stand in front of the mirror and practice the latest expressions and dialogues, depending on her avatar of the day.

the baby manner

"i love you" (in tweety-birdesque manner. the usual one had become a bit boring. variety is the spice of life, right?)

the pouty manner (displays pseudo anger; also facilitates kissing)

"i love you.. but i don't think you do" (with a pout)

the daughter-in-law manner

"have you called mummy today?" (his, not hers.)

"have you called granny today?" (his, not hers.)

the seductress (duh. no brainer)

"how do you want your eggs today?"


meanwhile Rebecca had reached the end of her tether. something's not quite right, but i can't put a finger on it.

what is it?






Tuesday, July 21, 2009

ode to plagiariser

you can steal my ideas,

you can't steal my mind.

you can copy-paste

but i'm not locking my page

if you have any shame,

kindly bugger off, do.

you're not wanted here,

believe me, i swear.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

sartorial hamburgers


right so i'm slightly confused.

umm... where do you draw the line between 'blending in' and 'losing your individual sense of style'?

does anyone have the answer? more importantly, can anyone feel my pain? ok. let me try and sell you my argument.

i have a friend who's moved to the US couple of years back. complete transformation has happened. from regular clothes, now is seen ALWAYS in shorts/spaghetti strap tops/sneakers. give her a hamburger and she'd be a mascot for the land of milk and honey.

so what am i so worried about? isn't she just blending in? i suppose my concern is with the degree of blending in. it's a bit like adopting an accent. people have lived in foreign countries for decades and not got one. some get a slight accent, but continue speaking in their hybridised forms of english which is the language they've grown up using. then there are some that completely queens-englishify themselves. the ones in the UK, i mean. the ones in america, they mcdonaldise (mcdonaldize?) themselves. be it in their speech, or their clothing.
in fact, that's something more apparent in america (US, i should specify, else my Colombian friends will disown me). it's more powerful, more mesmeric, and definitely more overwhelming in its influence. just like mcdonalds. it's EVERYWHERE. unstoppable. unbridled. spreading its tentacles far and wide and converting people one by one. like a vampire. there's a well-documented example of korean schoolkids a few years ago, who'd gone to the US for a field project. everyday they were taken to different restaurants and were sick of the strange-tasting food. "we want some home food" they said on the last day. "lets have mcdonald's". that's the mcdonalised generation (which includes me i should add) for you - so mesmerised by the golden arches that they think its their own.

which is exactly what i feel about my friend. she's not really blending in, she thinks THAT is who she is.

and that is my fear.


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

gyan for the day

the choices you make in life, make you who you are.



Thursday, July 9, 2009

colourful endings


Just a conversation:

South African: The Edinburgh Fringe Festival is going to start soon, hey.
Tajik: Yes, I read about... it'll be so much fun annah
Malaysian: Lets try to get tickets lah.
Indian: Yes...but it'll be expensive, na?


We can't wish you away oh English language (you unite us, ie, the globe). But there's a way we can keep you and yet not lose our identity.

Really, don't you just love those hybridised forms of English? They're such a wonderful assertion of who you are.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

as i was saying...





"Homosexuality can be cured by practicing Yoga."

--- Baba Ramdev (circa 2009, India)

lots more to do

yay, thought i on july the 2nd. i shall no more feel embarassed about the gay law. naive me. because then i saw a flurry of comments on facebook - people responding to mine (which was hurrah-like), and people's own. allow me to reproduce a few:

One of the senior photographers in my former organisation felt -

against nature every thing like this is a disaster, and the results are now in western countries, hamare desh ka kya hooga, very sad

I didn't respond. He's almost 50. He's not going to change.

A yuppie former colleague [clearly, I've had the worst company professionally] states:

Are these gays a vote bank? Why is the govt pleasing them, and even if they get legalised and have all the laws in their favour, wont they feel embarrassed doing all that which normal people do , publicly atleast!!


What I find fascinating is the use of the journo rhetoric. That the government must be getting something out of it.

Now, I usually avoid getting into debates that too on forums like facebook. But this time I couldn't stop myself and said "I can't believe you just said that."

She replies, pronto:

Listen babes, my point is why do these gays make so much noise and for what? Society is above all these laws and legal rights..there are certain things which are on the conscience of society for millenniums, do you think we can do anything crushing the conscience?

I didn't know what I found more objectionable. The content or the syntax.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Qs

Is there a difference between being happy with your life and complacency?


Similarly, Is there a difference between wanting to squeeze every bit you can out of life, ie, stretching yourself and not ever being truly happy with your current state

Can the two co-exist?



Thursday, June 25, 2009

why bombay

because i first felt freedom there.

sometimes you don't even know you need freedom from something. bombay set me free. and made me realise that i had been trapped.

i've felt that again recently. of freedom from something that i didn't even know had entrapped me.

cities are not just physical spaces, they are mental landscapes. they can mould you, they can shape you. this blog is an ode to the city that first made me feel free, that first made me grow in the way that i understand growth. and because it's not just a city, it's a state of mind, it can keep changing. bombay is inside us. we have to keep reinventing ourselves to find bombay.

if you don't watch out, you'll lose bombay.
and really. it's bombay for me. it could be besel for pieter. bogota for julio.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I love you Peter Rabbit

I've never been excited by new websites.
I've almost never played computer games (last would be Super Mario when I was err 12)
And I most certainly don't shop online for toys and sundry other kiddy stuff.

And then I discovered this.


Eat you words, self.